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Leave Dana White alone! Please.

Apr 3, 2012, 5:10 PM EDT

UFC on FOX Press Conference Getty Images

Thanks, Jimmy, for putting this back on the menu. After all, what would we have done today if we didn’t have one of soccer’s ol’, chip-on-the-shoulder chestnuts to roast (only watch two of the most successful clubs in the world).

In case you hadn’t heard, MMA mogul Dana White isn’t a fan of soccer. If you hadn’t heard, you might not be that big a fan of soccer either, because brows were mightily furrowed last week when White’s views his the Twit-a-Blog-o-verse-a-`book.

White is one of the most successful men in modern sport. He’s helped the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC)  squash its competition and become one of the most sought-after properties in the world. His accomplishments put him in the Mark Cuban-esque realm of modern sports executives, a description which may actually undersell what he’s achieved. White is truly unique.

One place where he is not unique, however, is in his view of soccer. Calling it “the least-talented sport on Earth” and asking “how untalented [do] you have to be to score three times when the net is that big,” White echoed the views we’ve heard over and over again. Soccer sucks.

If anything, White’s comments were tame, especially when we’ve become used to hearing far worse (link to utter train wreck). He didn’t use sexist language to characterize the sport. He didn’t use the words “sissy” or “cheater”. He doesn’t wrap it in red scare or break out xenophobic language. He, basically, said he didn’t appreciate soccer.

Full disclosure: I don’t appreciate NASCAR. I don’t appreciate cricket or a myriad of other sports that are really popular and have obvious virtues. I don’t appreciate golf or baseball, and I used to be good at those. And if you catch me at the wrong time and have a microphone (and prep me with a few beers), you can get me to say some hyperbolic stuff about those games. Of course, I’m not Dana White.

But beyond White’s celebrity, why is this a big deal? Well, we’re tired of hearing it, for one. It’s old and tired and unimaginative and really, if you can’t find a better way to say something that could have just as easily come out of your dad’s mouth, you don’t have much to contribute. All you’re doing is trolling a thread where the original post is over 100 years old. Good job.

We’re also tired media outlets being (seemingly) reticent to embrace soccer, and since we’re seeing MMA on our televisions more and more (be it on CBS, FOX, FX, or more exotic sources), there’s the subtext of mixed martial arts filling space created by baseball’s wane – space that could otherwise go to soccer. That White is the obvious face of MMA only helps us put two and two together.

But if you watch the video of his comments (some of which is in the clip, below), White isn’t at a podium giving some kind of UFC State of the Union on the organization’s soccer platform. He’s a guy – clearly sitting around a bunch of people who are more than willing to laugh at his jokes – that gives an opinion. It’s not a new opinion. It’s not put in a new context. It’s the same opinion that we’ve not only heard for years but one to which Dana White should be entitled.

Soccer doesn’t need to convert Dana White. Soccer is doing fine. It is, after all, the world’s most popular sport, even if it’s not the most popular sport here. Soccer has nothing to prove, and we certainly shouldn’t get our feelings hurt when Dana White doesn’t share our zeal. I never liked sharing my toys, anyway.

All of which is why I can’t get on board with latest offering from Jimmy Conrad at Kick TV:

First, props to Conrad for keeping the message largely positive, even if he’s calling a guy out. I wish I could always be as good-spirited about things.

But if I’m going to call White’s message unimaginative, I have to look at Conrad’s in the same light. Conrad’s comeback to the MMA mogul is, essentially, challenging White to a game. It’s the quarterback sneak of imaginative responses. Calling it an open letter doesn’t help, either. I think we’ve run the gambit on internet open letters (it’s the internet – everything’s an open letter).

Credit to White who – in a subtle backpedal from last week’s kerfuffle – happily embraced Conrad’s challenge, telling him on Twitter, “I’m in bro!!!” Three exclamation points, bro. That’s practically a signature on the USS Missouri.

But why the need for the challenge in the first place? Or, why the need to stir this up again, one week after boxers were bunched? And who really cares of White can play soccer? If he’s terrible, turns around and says, “Wow, you soccer guys really proved something to me,” does it mean anything? Not one person is going to say “well, Dana likes it, so I’ll give it a try,” in the same way not one person heard White’s original comments and said “oh, man. I guess can’t like soccer anymore.”

Dana White doesn’t like soccer. I’m OK with that, and in truth, I’m also OK with Jimmy Conrad getting an interesting video out of the material.

But for the rest of us, let’s just get used to it: Some people don’t like soccer. I’m sure we’ll be fine. We don’t need to blog it into the ground, and our Twitter timelines are better served talking about Mad Men’s return …

Or soccer. Leave Dana White alone.

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