Keep calm and get Dimitar Berbatov the ball

Throughout the week there were rumblings that Fulham had become concerned about their new, melancholy star. Was the perpetually morose Dimitar Berbatov happy at Craven Cottage? Per the gossip, Martin Jol saw the easiest rout to Cottager success including a happy and productive Bulgarian maestro …

… which makes you wonder why he bought Berbatov in the first place. If your conception of a viable Berbatov entails him being happy, you should just stay away. Nobody knows why Jared Leto smiles.

Eight minutes into today’s game in London, Berbatov defied all the gossip, showing himself to be not only productive but something other than melancholy, putting Fulham ahead early over visiting Southampton:

In case you missed the best part of the goal (which actually came after the ball crossed the line), the internet is here for you.

You can thank Twitter’s @AndyGlockner for this:

Who knew Berbatov had some musculature under that kit? Can you imagine the guy lifting a weight?

“Keep calm and get me the ball” is the most assertive thing Dimitar Berbatov has ever said or done, and the ball was barely over the line before he was ripping off his kit to get his message across. Either this is a nicotine high or somebody got Berba a damn to give for Christmas.

No, Mr. Jol, this doesn’t seem to be a happy Dimitar Berbatov, but given his discontent put your team in front within 10 minutes, you might want to prod instead of cajole.

In fairness, there is no reason Fulham wouldn’t feed Berbatov. He’s their best goalscorer, playmaker, and it’s difficult to imagine the team replicating Jol’s year one success without a productive Berbatov.

So keep calm, Cottagers, and get Berbatov the ball.