Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Jul 4, 2015, 1:15 AM EDT
Tyrone Mears scored an absolute beauty late in the match to down a ten-man D.C. United.
Jul 4, 2015, 12:59 AM EDT
The English defender is still getting over the heartbreak of an own goal.
Jul 4, 2015, 12:08 AM EDT
Despite leaving Nashville with a 4-0 win, Jurgen Klinsmann was far from pleased with how the United States played.
Jul 3, 2015, 11:32 PM EDT
Substitutes scored the goals for each side, as the Fire leave Houston with a point.
Jul 3, 2015, 11:00 PM EDT
Wambach gets a second chance in a World Cup final against Japan again on Sunday.
Jul 3, 2015, 10:45 PM EDT
Seventeen players saw action in the USMNT’s 4-0 over Guatemala. See who helped (or hurt) their standing heading into the Gold Cup.
Jul 3, 2015, 10:10 PM EDT
The U.S. turned things around mid-tournament and now finds itself in the World Cup final.
Jul 3, 2015, 9:35 PM EDT
For the second straight Copa America tournament, Peru has left with a third place finish.
Jul 3, 2015, 9:01 PM EDT
Three second half goals led to an easy win for the USMNT, as the Gold Cup is now just four days away.
Jul 3, 2015, 8:21 PM EDT
Deemed as excess talent by their Premier League clubs, Nani and Lukas Podolski are headed to the Turkish Super Lig.
Jul 3, 2015, 7:30 PM EDT
With Queens Park Rangers relegated to the Championship, the club wants to get top dollar for star striker Charlie Austin.
Jul 3, 2015, 6:34 PM EDT
Pride is on the line as Peru and Paraguay look to take home third place at the 2015 Copa America.
Jul 3, 2015, 5:40 PM EDT
Anelka now a manager? Oh how times have changed…
Jul 3, 2015, 4:45 PM EDT
Women’s players can get representation from FIFPro for the first time in the continued fight for equality.
Jul 3, 2015, 4:30 PM EDT
The West Midlands club released a statement today that new ownership should be in place “by the end of this month.”
Jul 3, 2015, 3:33 PM EDT
Fiorentina has lawyered up as the Chelsea winger has reportedly refused to return to the club on another loan.
Jul 3, 2015, 2:36 PM EDT
Three suggested lineups for Jurgen Klinsmann ahead of the USA vs. Guatemala on Friday.
Jul 3, 2015, 1:40 PM EDT
Martunis’ incredible story will now continue in Lisbon.
Jul 3, 2015, 12:53 PM EDT
Analyzing where the final in Santiago on Saturday will be won and lost.
Jul 3, 2015, 11:50 AM EDT
Another day, another healthy dollop of gossip from around the Premier League.
- Klinsmann on USMNT’s win over Guatemala: “I’m not happy with that performance” 1
- 2011 Women’s World Cup final loss still burns in Abby Wambach’s memory 1
- USMNT player ratings: How Klinsmann’s men fared against Guatemala 1
- USA 4-0 Guatemala: USMNT cruises into Gold Cup with win in Nashville 0
- World players’ union FIFPro opens door to women for first time in 50-year history 0
- How will USMNT line up vs. Guatemala in final pre-Gold Cup friendly? 3