Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Apr 1, 2015, 10:14 PM EDT
Not one, but two middle fingers to your own fans earns you a red card, sir.
Apr 1, 2015, 9:43 PM EDT
AC Milan + Hello Kitty = the strangest soccer story of the week, right?
Apr 1, 2015, 7:47 PM EDT
This is a strange one: footballer admits to thinking about tweet to critic while still game in which he scored.
Apr 1, 2015, 6:22 PM EDT
A serious knee injury at the business end of the season? Terrible news, though Alaba hopes to return for a pair of cup finals.
Apr 1, 2015, 5:58 PM EDT
The first of CONCACAF’s five WCQ rounds is complete, and there’s a world-famous name leading one Caribbean minnow into the next round.
Apr 1, 2015, 5:15 PM EDT
The USMNT kicks off its 2015 Gold Cup campaign in 97 days. What’s the roster going to look like? Who’s the surprising “ins” and “outs”?
Apr 1, 2015, 3:30 PM EDT
April Fools’ Day jokes — everybody’s got them, and while most aren’t funny, a few people came through with good ones today.
Apr 1, 2015, 3:00 PM EDT
One little magician has been sublime all season. He’s our consensus pick, but who do you choose?
Apr 1, 2015, 2:28 PM EDT
Ribery is a big fan of Hazard. Should the Chelsea wing-wizard replace the Frenchman at Bayern?
Apr 1, 2015, 1:58 PM EDT
PST’s writers select their coach of the year candidate with the end of season awards coming up fast.
Apr 1, 2015, 1:20 PM EDT
Listen to the latest MiB podcast, here.
Apr 1, 2015, 12:58 PM EDT
We select our Young Player of the season. Do you agree with the consensus selection?
Apr 1, 2015, 12:25 PM EDT
Sterling has spoken out about his current contract situation. It’s fascinating stuff.
Apr 1, 2015, 11:20 AM EDT
PST’s writers pick their team of the season, so far… Agree? Disagree?
Apr 1, 2015, 10:35 AM EDT
Which players did themselves the world of good in March for the U.S.? Here’s a gander.
Apr 1, 2015, 9:45 AM EDT
Chairman of Bayern Munich, ECA, believes Blatter is ready to change his ways.
Apr 1, 2015, 9:10 AM EDT
Spurs winger scores stunner to silence doubters. Now, can he keep it up?
Apr 1, 2015, 8:01 AM EDT
Here are the latest rumors involving Premier League clubs.
Mar 31, 2015, 9:26 PM EDT
As bizarre as this is to read, Michael Bradley didn’t register a single helper for the States until 2011. In the Klinsmann era, he has 12.
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