Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:58 AM EDT
Can the Tigers maul the Eagles? Watch live online.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:47 AM EDT
Turf Moor is the place, and Danny Ings will lead the Clarets attack in a quest for safety.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:45 AM EDT
Can the R’s grab a crucial win in the London derby? Watch live online.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:44 AM EDT
USMNT back Geoff Cameron gets the start at right back, again, for Stoke City.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:42 AM EDT
Kelvin Davis wasn’t poor, but Saints are clearly missing the steady play of Fraser Forster between the sticks.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:30 AM EDT
Can Liverpool keep their faint top four hopes alive? Watch them live online, right here.
Apr 25, 2015, 9:28 AM EDT
There will be no Bafetimbi Gomis at all for Swans, while Ki Sung-yeung is relegated to the bench.
Apr 25, 2015, 7:15 AM EDT
Where and how to watch every single PL game live online or via the app during Week 34.
Apr 25, 2015, 7:07 AM EDT
USMNT winger/back DeAndre Yedlin is on the bench for Spurs.
Apr 25, 2015, 12:21 AM EDT
FC Dallas took the lead into halftime, but a second half red card to Blas Perez let Colorado sneak back for a point.
Apr 24, 2015, 11:10 PM EDT
Tony Pulis is known for turning around struggling clubs, but the West Brom manager says he is more than just a last resort.
Apr 24, 2015, 10:20 PM EDT
David Accam’s first MLS goal was enough for Chicago to down a NYCFC side that played more than 60 minutes a man down.
Apr 24, 2015, 9:38 PM EDT
Tim Howard takes on his former club Manchester United, while Brad Guzan looks to keep Manchester City off the scoresheet.
Apr 24, 2015, 8:50 PM EDT
Finding a club to pay his $150,000 per week wages is the only problem for Spurs.
Apr 24, 2015, 7:46 PM EDT
The Baggies must defend The Hawthorns as Liverpool is barely clinging on to top-four dreams.
Apr 24, 2015, 6:30 PM EDT
Clinging onto safety in the Premier League, Hull City players now have some added incentive to avoid the drop.
Apr 24, 2015, 5:37 PM EDT
Still in his first season as manager at Old Trafford, LVG has already endorsed his top assistant to be the next in line.
Apr 24, 2015, 4:42 PM EDT
Can Tim Sherwood and Aston Villa continue their climb up the table at the Etihad?
Apr 24, 2015, 3:42 PM EDT
PST’s Joe Prince-Wright sat down with the Southampton defender to see how the Saints’ skipper has evolved into one of the best center-backs in the Premier League.
Apr 24, 2015, 2:50 PM EDT
In the latest PST Extra we take a quick look at why whispers about managers losing their jobs at Liverpool, Man City are getting louder.
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