Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Sep 20, 2014, 1:50 PM EDT
Can Welbeck and Ozil click and become Arsenal’s main offensive weapons?
Sep 20, 2014, 1:21 PM EDT
Raheem Stirling has narrowed Liverpool’s deficit to 2-1 at halftime in a Saturday afternoon thriller on NBC.
Sep 20, 2014, 1:14 PM EDT
“It’s not lost on me that I get accused of being arrogant but I’m also a proud man to be manager of this football club and I’m going to fight to keep it,” Pardew said.
Sep 20, 2014, 12:25 PM EDT
Watch Real’s masterclass, as the Spanish giants batter Deportivo in La Liga.
Sep 20, 2014, 12:05 PM EDT
Clarets and Black Cats still searching for first win of the season after stalemate.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:57 AM EDT
The loss drops Swansea to fifth place on nine points, while Saints jump into second place with 10 points.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:55 AM EDT
Cisse revealed an undershirt message of “Always looking forward Jonas” for his teammate Gutierrez, who revealed cancer struggles earlier this week.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:53 AM EDT
Three goals in three first half minutes do the business for Arsene Wenger’s men.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:50 AM EDT
Liverpool will start Fabio Borini and Mario Balotelli up top after their last-gasp Champions League win over Ludogorets midweek.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:21 AM EDT
Ozil and Welbeck rip Villa apart in stunning three-minute spell for the Gunners.
Sep 20, 2014, 11:02 AM EDT
Action at Villa Park, while a Swan sees red at the Liberty.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:56 AM EDT
Both clubs go in search of their first win of the season. Watch live, right here.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:48 AM EDT
Can the Gunners grab their first win since the opening day of the season? Will Villa stay unbeaten? Watch live, right here.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:47 AM EDT
Bafetimbi Gomis has been relegated to the bench for the hosts, while Shane Long gets the start up-top with Graziano Pelle for the Saints.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:39 AM EDT
Kranjcar’s curler saves the day for Rangers, as Stoke are thwarted.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:19 AM EDT
Tigers midfielder David Meyler, recipient of a Pardew head butt last season, will start on the bench.
Sep 20, 2014, 9:04 AM EDT
Mourinho: “Are the fines fair? I don’t think so. What is fair is to remove points and titles.”
Sep 20, 2014, 8:15 AM EDT
LVG lays down the law ahead of United’s trip to Leicester on Sunday.
Sep 20, 2014, 7:27 AM EDT
Can QPR bounce back from last weeks drubbing and beat the Potters? Watch live, right here.
Sep 20, 2014, 7:00 AM EDT
How and where to watch every single PL game live online or via the app.
- At the half: West Ham builds 2-0 lead, Liverpool pulls one back 1
- Newcastle United 2-2 Hull City: Cisse’s brace saves embattled Magpies 0
- Aston Villa 0-3 Arsenal: Red-hot Ozil, Welbeck fire Gunners to victory (video) 0
- Watch live: West Ham United vs. Liverpool (Lineups) 0
- VIDEO: Arsenal score three goals in three minutes, as Gunners explode 0
- Queens Park Rangers 2-2 Stoke City: Kranjcar’s cracker saves QPR 0