Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
May 30, 2015, 2:22 PM EDT
Arsenal was fully dominant throughout as they hammered Aston Villa at Wembley.
May 30, 2015, 1:25 PM EDT
Pontus Wernbloom has a habit of showing up at important times, and he struck an 88th-minute goal to give CSKA Moscow a Champions League place.
May 30, 2015, 11:54 AM EDT
Theo Walcott starts in favor of Olivier Giroud up front for Arsenal as they look to defend their FA Cup title.
May 30, 2015, 11:24 AM EDT
With Champions League and Europa League playing time, West Ham added an experienced goalkeeper to challenge Adrian for his starting spot.
May 30, 2015, 10:16 AM EDT
The United States picked up the only 3 points of the opening day games as Argentina, Panama, Ukraine, New Zealand, Ghana, and Austria all played to draws.
May 30, 2015, 8:56 AM EDT
After 503 Premier League appearances, 6 Premier League titles, and 81 caps for England, the former Manchester United great is calling it a career.
May 30, 2015, 8:24 AM EDT
After winning his fifth term atop FIFA, Sepp Blatter said the United States is overstepping its bounds by arresting members of his organization.
May 30, 2015, 7:38 AM EDT
The Fulham midfielder returned from injury to assist the opener and score the winner in a 2-1 victory.
May 30, 2015, 12:48 AM EDT
Three talking points from the latest installment of MLS’s “Viernes de Futbol.”
May 29, 2015, 11:20 PM EDT
Final: Sporting KC 4-0 FC Dallas
May 29, 2015, 10:01 PM EDT
Watch the lone first-half goal of the Sporting KC-FC Dallas match, televised on UniMas tonight.
May 29, 2015, 9:39 PM EDT
An important I.R.S official told The New York Times that more indictments in the FIFA corruption investigation will be released.
May 29, 2015, 8:35 PM EDT
Newcastle has released Ryan Taylor and Jonas Gutierrez.
May 29, 2015, 7:16 PM EDT
Orlando City SC made a big announcement earlier today regarding the future of the club.
May 29, 2015, 6:34 PM EDT
Barcelona has yet to pay the remaining 83 million euros of Neymar’s transfer fee, and his former club, Santos, will sue.
May 29, 2015, 5:41 PM EDT
The Men and Blazers speak with U.S. U-20 head man Tab Ramos ahead of the 2015 U-20 World Cup in New Zealand.
May 29, 2015, 5:05 PM EDT
FA chairman Greg Dyke thinks Sepp Blatter’s fifth term of FIFA presidency won’t last.
2014 MLS Cup rematch: For the New England Revolution, it’s a new season, different game against LA Galaxy
May 29, 2015, 4:10 PM EDT
On Fox Sports 1 this Sunday, the New England Revolution face LA Galaxy in a 2014 MLS Cup rematch.
May 29, 2015, 3:30 PM EDT
Chelsea’s title-winning team dominates our picks. But there are still plenty of surprise inclusions.
May 29, 2015, 3:20 PM EDT
As the soccer world continues to react to Sepp Blatter’s fifth-term as FIFA president, his 72-year-old former VP is basically telling the law to take a long walk off a short pier.
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