Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Sep 1, 2014, 11:30 PM EDT
“Today two powers were brought together, the hand of God and that of the Pope,” Maradona joked. No, really. That’s what he said.
Sep 1, 2014, 10:30 PM EDT
How do you think United will line up?
Sep 1, 2014, 10:29 PM EDT
From a 18-year-old Jamaican-English midfielder to a 34-year-old veteran goalkeeper, this team takes a ride through all types of players.
Sep 1, 2014, 9:38 PM EDT
In the end, the player had to come from the nine-goal thriller at Goodison Park.
Sep 1, 2014, 8:48 PM EDT
Rebecca Lowe, Robbie Earle and Robbie Mustoe bring you plenty of analysis on the summer transfer window’s Deadline Day.
Sep 1, 2014, 8:45 PM EDT
Passing or failing? Take a gander at how each Premier League team fared.
Sep 1, 2014, 8:32 PM EDT
Falcao signs for United, arrives on loan from Monaco with view to a permanent transfer.
Sep 1, 2014, 8:09 PM EDT
Manchester United’s Danny Welbeck went away to London for international break, and won’t return to the club after sealing a move to Arsenal.
Sep 1, 2014, 7:26 PM EDT
Nantes, Nottingham Forest and Aston Villa are all surprising early-season teams, and Americans are playing big roles in each club’s success.
Sep 1, 2014, 7:13 PM EDT
The biggest confirmed transfers on Deadline Day including Premier League teams.
Sep 1, 2014, 6:40 PM EDT
If Andre Villas-Boas thought Emmanuel Adebayor was hard to handle, wait til he gets a load of this American character.
Sep 1, 2014, 6:33 PM EDT
Alderweireld arrives on loan, as Mane deal agreed.
Sep 1, 2014, 6:23 PM EDT
Negredo leaves City, heads back to Spain to play for Valencia.
Sep 1, 2014, 5:55 PM EDT
Watch live online, right here.
Sep 1, 2014, 5:42 PM EDT
Hull busy on Deadline Day as Ramirez joins on loan, plus Ben Arfa.
Sep 1, 2014, 5:37 PM EDT
In the words of NHL commentator Rick Jeanneret, roll the highlight reel for Ibra, Cavani and PSG, and the lowlight reel for one poor keeper.
Sep 1, 2014, 4:40 PM EDT
Not a huge risk for Arsenal, but certainly a good bit of business for United. Could Welbeck become the next Daniel Sturridge?
Sep 1, 2014, 4:18 PM EDT
Jermain Defoe, Danny Welbeck and Hatem Ben Arfa all make one last run through the rumor mill as the deadline draws near.
Sep 1, 2014, 4:11 PM EDT
McArthur and Fryers arrive at Selhurst Park.
Sep 1, 2014, 3:49 PM EDT
The Dutch international rejoins his World Cup boss for four seasons at “the biggest club in the world.”
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- Done Deal: Radamel Falcao completes move to Manchester United 3
- Done Deal: Better late than never, Arsenal seals deal with Welbeck 2
- Americans Abroad wrap: Guzan stays unbeaten, Lichaj & Bedoya thrive 1
- Done Deal: Listing all the Deadline Day deals from the Premier League 5
- Southampton sign Toby Alderweireld, add $18 million winger Sadio Mane 0