Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Aug 3, 2015, 10:42 AM EDT
PSG’s skipper Silva is risking the wrath of United’s fans around the globe.
Aug 3, 2015, 9:40 AM EDT
Real Madrid superstar is a baller on and off the pitch.
Aug 3, 2015, 8:55 AM EDT
Eagles sign young English striker from Black Cats.
Aug 3, 2015, 8:02 AM EDT
Costa remains a huge injury worry for Chelsea heading into the new season.
Aug 2, 2015, 9:15 PM EDT
David Accam helped lead Chicago Fire over FC Dallas to end the visitors five-game winning streak.
Aug 2, 2015, 8:06 PM EDT
Xavi gets up for preseason friendlies, and in his first match for his new club, the 35-year-old rips a classic free kick.
Aug 2, 2015, 7:03 PM EDT
Diego Valeri missed a penalty as neither side could take advantage of its few big chances.
Aug 2, 2015, 6:36 PM EDT
It was a tough day for a number of Premier League teams who suffered losses and setbacks, most notably Mark Hughes and Stoke City.
Aug 2, 2015, 5:25 PM EDT
The 23-year-old midfielder has struggled with ankle problems in the past, and another has cropped up.
Aug 2, 2015, 5:00 PM EDT
Some big signings this summer and a new manager has fans excited for what could be this coming year.
Aug 2, 2015, 3:14 PM EDT
Tony Pulis is a hard-nosed leader, but unless Saido Berahino can repeat his goal-scoring year from last season, it will be a tough go for the Baggies.
Aug 2, 2015, 2:30 PM EDT
Take a bow, Benteke. Take a bow.
Jose Mourinho says “best team lost,” attacks Arsenal’s defensive tactics, as Chelsea beaten at their own game
Aug 2, 2015, 1:50 PM EDT
Chelsea boss hits out at Gunners as he loses to Wenger for first time in 14 attempts.
Aug 2, 2015, 1:07 PM EDT
The long-time spat between the managers of Arsenal and Chelsea rumbles on.
Aug 2, 2015, 12:45 PM EDT
Catch up on all the latest transfer rumors and gossip, right here.
Aug 2, 2015, 11:57 AM EDT
Wenger finally beats Mourinho, while the Blues have some issues up front.
Aug 2, 2015, 11:55 AM EDT
Arsenal takes claim to the Community Shield as Arsene Wenger has finally defeated Jose Mourinho.
Aug 2, 2015, 10:49 AM EDT
The Gunners took a 1-0 first half lead over Chelsea in the FA Community Shield thanks to a classy finish from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
Aug 2, 2015, 10:04 AM EDT
In the City of Brotherly Love, it was only fitting that the Wright-Phillips boys led New York to a victory.
Aug 2, 2015, 9:10 AM EDT
In both of Watford’s two seasons in the Premier League, the club finished in last place. Can the newly promoted Hornets avoid relegation the third time around?
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