Jan 7, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT
Leave it to FIFA to create an hour of needless content around two revelations that could have been zipped up in about four minutes – and that’s with both acceptance speeches!
Yup … dancers, weird mascots, bad speeches (along with a few worthy moments, if should be said) all to find out that Messi had outdistanced Cristiano Ronaldo (the only real competition, it should be said) for the 2012 world honor.
Here are some other memorable moments and facts to consider (of the completely random nature):
Messi was not listed on 52 of the 508 official ballots. Fools. Just fools.
For the record, Ruud Gullit is the only former MLS manager to ever host a FIFA Ballon D’Or ceremony.
Sepp Blatter’s speech to open the ceremony would have raised indignant cries of “hypocrisy” or even “ignorance” … if it wasn’t just so comically bad.
If you’re interested, U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann voted Messi first, Andrea Pirlo second and Cristiano Ronaldo third. All the ballots are here.
If I find the man or woman who said, “Dancing! We need more dancing at the ceremony! … Maybe even some shirtless men throwing fake kung-fu!” … we are going to have words.
So as not to sound like a total FIFA basher, the video mash-up of former player of the year winners, which included some wonderful, old footage, was pretty sweet.
In case you were wondering, the man conducting interviews for FIFA’s official feed on the red carpet before Monday’s announcement thought U.S. women’s national team players Alex Morgan and Hope Solo were beautiful and were wearing beautiful dresses. He didn’t feel the need to say something similar about the handsome, fit and well-dressed men he interviewed. It seems that the sexist attitudes around world soccer’s governing body trickle down from the top.
I’m not quite sure what to say about Messi’s seriously fancy outfit. Polka dots, yo!
Speaking of wardrobe, here’s what blogger-funny man-good dude Shawn Francis said about Brazil’s Marta, who was up for Female Player of the Year: “Marta wearing Tina Turner’s dress from the Private Dancer tour, I see.” Good one, Shawn!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s stunning goal against England wasn’t even among the nominees for FIFA Goal of the Year … which delegitimizes the award in my mind. No reason to even talk about it.
Spain’s Vicente Del Bosque was named Men’s Coach of the Year.
Former U.S. manager Pia Sundhage was named Women’s Coach of the Year.
Singing! Of course, there had to be singing! At least one tune was of the unscripted variety, as Sundhage sang out a nice, quick little tribute to Alex Morgan and Wambach in the audience, essentially saying she was there because of players like them. A very nice touch. And very, uh, “Sundage.”
Two-time Ballon D’Or winner and former Brazilian great Ronaldo (pictured) is only 36, but he has added so much weight, he is nearly unrecognizable.
Gullit, 49 minutes into the ridiculously, overly long ceremony: “The tension is mounting!” Uh, no … it really wasn’t. Whatever tension might have been linked into this one (truly, not so much) leaked about around the time the Brazil 2104 mascot went bouncing around on the stage. Or when Gullit put on a Gullit wig. (He really did that.) Or when some lady nobody knew sang a song nobody knew. Or when … oh, you get the message.
Oct 20, 2014, 1:30 PM EDT
Liverpool, Everton and Swansea City are just a few of the Premier League clubs reportedly looking to sign the Marseille winger.
Oct 20, 2014, 12:37 PM EDT
With transfer rumors swirling, the Arsenal forward made it clear that he is #AlwaysAGunner.
Oct 20, 2014, 11:51 AM EDT
Amidst the Ebola outbreak, South Africa has ruled out hosting the continent’s premier tournament should Morocco back out.
Oct 20, 2014, 11:00 AM EDT
Sad news out of India as a young player died after injuring his spinal cord during a celebration.
Oct 20, 2014, 10:15 AM EDT
Ahmed Musa stirred the pot ahead of his club’s Champions League clash this week, calling out City’s form.
Oct 20, 2014, 9:30 AM EDT
Watch the Baggies take on Manchester United today, live at 3:00 p.m. ET on NBCSN.
Oct 20, 2014, 8:40 AM EDT
The Chelsea backup is teaching his replacement how to stay safe from head injuries, which have affected both keepers.
Oct 20, 2014, 8:00 AM EDT
PST’s Lead Writer and Editor takes an in-depth look at the PL during Week 8.
Oct 20, 2014, 7:43 AM EDT
In a game that saw both sides reduced to ten men, the Crystal Palace manager believes the referee could have done better.
Oct 19, 2014, 11:38 PM EDT
The Dutch midfielder scored off two ridiculous strikes to lead Galatasary over rivals Fenerbahce.
Oct 19, 2014, 11:05 PM EDT
The Sounders came from 2-0 down to steal a draw in Los Angeles at Landon Donovan’s final regular season home game.
Oct 19, 2014, 10:13 PM EDT
Werder Bremen became the first team without a shot in a Bundesliga game as Bayern continues to cruise.
Oct 19, 2014, 9:09 PM EDT
The Argentinian forward is scoring goals at a blistering pace for Manchester City. Could he be the most lethal striker in Europe?
Oct 19, 2014, 8:15 PM EDT
Catch up on all of this weekend’s action from Spain and Italy’s top flights.
Oct 19, 2014, 7:07 PM EDT
After an ugly 8-0 thrashing at Southampton, Vito Mannone said he will try to pay back fans who travelled to the game.
Oct 19, 2014, 6:15 PM EDT
The American international responded to Jurgen Klinsmann’s recent criticism of his return to the MLS.
Oct 19, 2014, 5:21 PM EDT
The private nature of Mackay’s texts may help him steer clear of FA charges.
Oct 19, 2014, 4:30 PM EDT
Bale did not play in Real Madrid’s match against Levante while nursing a muscle injury.
Oct 19, 2014, 3:35 PM EDT
12 players sent off, an ambulance called, and riot police on the field. That was the carnage from an ugly brawl in Argentinian soccer.
Oct 19, 2014, 2:56 PM EDT
The Swansea manager was furious following a soft penalty given for a foul on Victor Moses, suggesting his club has been hard done by referees plenty this season.
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