Skip to content

After today’s blowout, we need some new words to describe Bayern Munich

Feb 23, 2013, 4:00 PM EDT

FBL-GER-BUNDESLIGA-BAYERN-MUNICH-WERDER-BREMEN Getty Images

We know Bayern Munich are good, but after today’s performance against Werder Bremen, it’s time to break out the superlatives. Consider doing it against 10 men an asterisk, but still consider it: Bayern put up a 6-1 victory over visiting Werder Bremen.

Also consider the context. Ahead of a huge German Cup match Wednesday against Borussia Dortmund, Jupp Heynckes changed his team. Not that changes mean much for Bayern Munich, one of the deepest teams in the world. Still, Mario Gomez, Xherdan Shaqiri, Luiz Gustavo, Arjen Robben, Diego Contento and Jerome Boateng — all former starters, to one degree or another — were in. The likes of Mario Mandzukic, Thomas Müller, Toni Kroos, and Bastian Schweinsteiger sat.

That as much as the final score is the reason we should be dropping our jaws at this Bayern team. They’re coming in waves, now. They’re rolling these type of results off an assembly line. There’s a certain inertia to this run that only a late glancing header from Didier Drogba could derail (and he’s about to be seen out of Champions League).

Thanks to goals from Robben, Javi Martínez, Frank Ribery, and Gomez (two), they’re up to 63 goals in 23 league games. Having allowed only eight, they’re up to a +55 goal difference. It you add up every other positive goal difference in the Bundesliga (six teams), you get that same +55.

It seems cliché, but the first superlative that comes to mind is insane. It’s trite, overused, and it’s starting to feel like the refrain a 13-year-old mean girl would push around her chewing gum, but insane feels right. The numbers Bayern’s putting up in arguably the best league in the world lack sanity.

Here are all the goals — alle tore – including the Theodor Gebre Salessie own goal that sent Bremen spiraling.

Latest Posts
  1. Report: Diego Costa could be out four to six weeks with hamstring injury

    Aug 27, 2014, 11:00 PM EDT

    Pre-Season Friendly - "Vitesse Arnhem v Chelsea" Getty Images

    Reports indicate Chelsea striker Diego Costa has suffered a hamstring injury that will keep him out of the side for four to six weeks.

  2. Samuel Eto’o announces international retirement from Cameroon

    Aug 27, 2014, 10:24 PM EDT

    Soc Wcup Cameroon Samuel Eto'o AP

    Cameroon striker Samuel Eto’o has announced his retirement from international football.

  3. Calum Chambers, Danny Rose and Fabian Delph all set for England call-ups

    Aug 27, 2014, 9:36 PM EDT

    Source: Arsenal FC Source: Arsenal FC

    The BBC is reporting that Calum Chambers, Danny Rose and Fabian Delph are all set for England call-ups.

  4. Report: Geoff Cameron injured in Stoke City’s victory over Portsmouth

    Aug 27, 2014, 8:45 PM EDT

    Harry Kane, Geoff Cameron AP

    Lazio is most interested in the American’s services but the recent injury casts doubt on the likelihood of a transfer.

  5. League Cup Roundup: QPR and Aston Villa crash out

    Aug 27, 2014, 7:55 PM EDT

    Romain Vincelot celebrates his goal that knocked out Villa Getty Images

    QPR and Aston Villa followed Manchester United’s lead in crashing out of the League Cup to clubs from the Football League.

  6. Champions League Roundup: Ludogorets defender saves penalty to put Bulgarians through

    Aug 27, 2014, 7:02 PM EDT

    Cosmin Moti, the hero for Ludogorets Cosmin Moti, the hero for Ludogorets

    Ludogorets defender Cosmin Moti took the gloves and saved two penalties to help his side advance to the Champions League group stage.

  7. Transfer needs – Everton, Hull, Leicester, Liverpool, Manchester City

    Aug 27, 2014, 6:07 PM EDT

    Falcao Getty Images

    Let’s take a look at five more clubs and how they will wheel and deal before the window slams shut.

  8. Olivier Giroud undergoes ankle surgery, out 3-4 months for Arsenal

    Aug 27, 2014, 5:43 PM EDT

    Olivier Giroud scored the only goal in what was often a rather drab affair at the Emirates. Getty Images

    The loss of Giroud skyrockets the possibility of Wenger soon moving to sign another pure striker.

  9. Report: Xabi Alonso reaches agreement with Bayern Munich

    Aug 27, 2014, 4:30 PM EDT

    arjen_robben_xabi_alonso Getty Images

    Reports across Europe claim that Xabi Alonso has reached an agreement with Bayern Munich.

  10. Xabi Alonso retires from Spanish National Team

    Aug 27, 2014, 3:40 PM EDT

    Spain v France - UEFA EURO 2012 Quarter Final Getty Images

    “The hardest thing is knowing when to say goodbye,” Xabi Alonso said.

  11. VIDEO: Bayern Munich’s Pep Guardiola loses it, shoves Thomas Muller

    Aug 27, 2014, 2:20 PM EDT

    Guardiola

    Guardiola gives Muller a piece of his mind during Bayern’s open practice session.

  12. Tottenham Hotspur sign Argentine international Federico Fazio

    Aug 27, 2014, 1:47 PM EDT

    Press Conference - UEFA Super Cup for UEFA Getty Images

    Fazio heads to White Hart Lane on four-year deal from Sevilla.

  13. UEFA postpone Israel’s Euro 2016 qualifier vs. Belgium due to safety fears

    Aug 27, 2014, 1:14 PM EDT

    Mideast Israel Palestinians AP

    As conflict continues between Israel, Hamas, UEFA has stepped in to postpone qualifier.

  14. PHOTO: British papers rip into Manchester United after League Cup humiliation

    Aug 27, 2014, 12:32 PM EDT

    MK Dons v Manchester United - Capital One Cup Second Round Getty Images

    Following United’s embarrassing 4-0 defeat to a third-tier team, the UK media have not been kind.

  15. $410 million Las Vegas soccer stadium deal closer; next stop, Major League Soccer…

    Aug 27, 2014, 12:01 PM EDT

    Las Vegas

    Soccer in Sin City… why not? Stadium deal gets over next hurdle, hinges on MLS team heading to Nevada.

  16. Report: Arsenal bid $82 million for Edinson Cavani. Remy, Falcao, Welbeck linked

    Aug 27, 2014, 9:42 AM EDT

    Cavani AP

    After Oliver Giroud’s bad injury, will Arsenal spend big to bring in Cavani?

  17. VOTE: Where will Manchester United finish in the Premier League this season?

    Aug 27, 2014, 9:12 AM EDT

    louis_van_gaal AP

    Have your say on where van Gaal’s side will finish this campaign.

Featured video

Balotelli will boost Suarez-less Liverpool