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Premier League Transfer Talk: Zinedine says Madrid will buy Gareth Bale

May 1, 2013, 11:25 AM EDT

Bale

Tottenham fans will be enraged with Zinedine Zidane’s claim that even a $93.4m (£60m) price tag won’t be enough to prevent Real Madrid from snapping up the superhuman Gareth Bale this summer. Here are the other transfer rumors percolating for today, May 1, 2013:

London

The news is equally bad on the other side of North London where rumors persist that Arsene Wenger could be on his way out of Arsenal in favor of a move to Paris Saint-Germain, although Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood says they’re rubbish. Speaking of PSG, that could be the future destination of Hatem Ben Arfa, who had the couilles to wear a kit of Les Parisiens while working out in a Newcastle gym.

Over in West London it’s being reported that as Jose Mourinho inches closer to his dramatic return at Stamford Bridge, Roman Abramovich plans on welcoming his old foe with a fat $155m (£100m) transfer kitty to help “rebuild” the squad. If Mourinho isn’t the man for the job then it’s widely believed that the Blues will turn to Malaga’s Manuel Pellegrini, causing the Spanish club to turn to Wigan’s Roberto Martinez. All sources indicate, however that ‘The Special One’ will be in West London come June and once he arrives, a new one year deal in place for Super Frank Lampard.

At Loftus Road word is that Djibril Cisse, Julio Cesar and Loic Remy are all planning moves that will help them avoid a rough and rugged season in the Championship. Cesar and Remy stand good chances of a return to the Prem but Cisse? I think that ship has sailed. Another player the R’s will be trying to profit off of is Adel Taarabt, who’s array of wildly inconsistent performance and incessant brain farts has somehow convinced QPR he’s worth £15m.

Down the river at Craven Cottage, Martin Jol may face a tough decision as Zenit St. Petersburg are dreaming up a bid to sign Dimitar Berbatov, 32, who has one year remaining on his two year contract. While on the opposite end of town, West Ham owners have found a cheap cure for their defensive woes by lining up a contract for Shakhtar Donetsk’s infamous Rat, Romanian defender Razvan Rat, who is set to leave the club on a free this summer.

Liverpool

At Anfield Brendan Rodgers & Co. may be preparing fans for the sale of Dracula to Juventus by showing interest in 19 year old Partizan Belgrade striker Lazar Markovic, who is also being followed by – you guessed it – Chelsea. The writing may also be on the wall for Martin Skrtel as the Reds plan to outbid Inter for Barcelona defender Martin Montoya whereas  Reading defender Alex Pearce has been named the top target to replace Jamie Carragher.

Meanwhile, the blue side of town is transfixed on bringing in 21 year old attacking midfielder Adem Ljajic after his contract talks with Fiorentina have apparently broken down.

Manchester 

Over in Manchester, all this talk about Robert Lewandowski and Radamel Falcao has Wayne Rooney concerned over his future at the club. Wazza is apparently requesting assurances from Sir Alex Ferguson that he’ll have a role to play in next year’s trophy chase. While Roo may still be on Fergie’s radar, Anderson and Nani certainly are not, as the underwhelming duo will finally be sold to clear space for this summer’s new purchases.

Manchester City will begin “rebuilding” their squad by acquiring 27 year old Toluca defender Diego Novaretti. The man known as “El Flaco” is known for his height (6’5″) and, amazingly, his quickness, and could be the cheap solution to the impending sale of Joleon Lescott. Joining Lescott on this summer’s pink slip could be Gael Clichy, who is garnering interest from Galatasaray, who apparently love buying stars who have past their prime.