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Brighton & Hove Albion formally apologize to Crystal Palace over ‘excrement’ incident

May 20, 2013, 7:21 PM EDT

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You know, Major League Soccer can’t say it’s truly made it until it’s had a big feces incident between rivals. It that respect, the English Championship is light years ahead of MLS, with somebody having smeared excrement on the walls of the Crystal Palace locker room ahead of Monday’s second leg of their playoff semifinal at Brighton & Hove Albion.

Really.

Crystal Palace went on to defeat Brighton, 2-0, advancing to the Championship’s playoff final by the same score, but before the two rivals walked onto the pitch at the Amex stadium, Palace manager Ian Holloway informed his counterpart, Gus Poyet, of the state of his dressing room. Poyet was reportedly so upset about the situation after that game that he sent an email to staff demanding the culprit be found and fired, an email that has since been cited as a factor Poyet (and his staff’s) suspension.

Really.

Today, news of the locker room vandalism finally broke, with club chief executive Paul Barber taking to email to explain the incident to season ticket holders:

“It’s clearly been a challenging week for our club: defeat at home to our biggest rivals in a play-off semi-final; the suspension from work and pending investigation of three members of our staff; and the revelation of an unsavoury incident that took place in our visitors’ dressing room last Monday.

“I can assure you that we will address each of these challenges as you would expect and want us to: namely, professionally and with as much dignity as possible. We apologised to Crystal Palace as soon as the vandalism in their dressing room was discovered, and again more formally a few days after the match. As a result of what happened, please rest assured we have reviewed our internal procedures to guard against this ever happening again.”

So at some point, somebody got into the visitor’s locker room and smeared waste on the walls. But at no point did anybody notice (or smell) the damage until Crystal Palace arrived?

That, to me, it more incredible than any other aspect of this story. Somebody tries to do something stupid? Yeah, whatever. Welcome to sports. He initially gets away with it? Sure. Streakers still happen. I don’t know why, but they do.

But nobody notices until Crystal Palace arrives? Nobody did a walk-through? There wasn’t a cleaning crew that checked the trash cans or the showers?

Boy, the things we miss out on in Major League Soccer.

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