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Are you a football hipster? The Guardian lets you know.

Oct 29, 2013, 12:53 PM EDT

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As we await the world football event of the day that is Arsenal v. Chelsea in the Capital One Cup, it’s worth taking 5 minutes to check out The Guardian’s new quiz which asks, ‘Are You A Football Hipster?

The quiz asks participants a series of 15 questions and awards one to four points based on the response, four being the most hipster.

The questions and answers are pretty hilarious. For example:

1. A friend is adamant that Manchester United’s deployment of Wayne Rooney as a false nine is hampering both the player and the team and that he should really be up there as a true 10. Your response is:

  • “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. If you’re going to move Rooney, you want him as a genuine trequartista with United employing inside-out wingers. And, anyway, the problem lies much deeper in their failure to control more than 55% of possession in any of their away games against teams who play a diamond in midfield.”
  • “Um … yeah. And did you see that ludicrous display last night? Thing about Arsenal is, they always try and walk it in.”
  • “Yeah – and if you moved him forward then Kagawa might get a game.”
  • Throw a pork scratching at him/her and storm to the bar

3. It’s a big midweek Champions League night. The curtains are drawn. The pizza has been ordered. The booze is in the fridge. But what are you going to watch?

  • Manchester United v Milan on ITV1
  • Athletic Bilbao v Shakhtar Donetsk on Sky Sports Red Button
  • Keflavik v Fylkir in the Icelandic first division on an internet streaming service (because Fylkir have been utilising an interesting variant of the double-pivot)
  • Chelsea v Viktoria Plovdiv on ITV4

10. For some reason you have bought yourself a goldfish. What do you call it?

  • Nemo
  • Gazza
  • Klopp
  • Lobanovsky

At the end of the quiz your hipsterdom is assessed by The Guardian, who concluded that I am nearly a ‘football hipster’, although apparently, I still have a way to go:

“You scored 43 out of a possible 60. Close but no cigar – YOU’RE A BIT OF A HIPSTER! You love a bit of tactical talk and wear your 1991-92 St Pauli away shirt with pride, but deep down there’s part of you who prefers a cavorting mess of a 4-3 to a well-disciplined 0-0. You heathen, you. Still, you’re well on your way to zen-like hipsterdom.”

All in all the quiz is a good time even if it flies in direct contravention of the fact that no real hipster would define himself as such. But I digress.

Take the quiz for yourself, right here.

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