Mar 20, 2014, 3:03 PM EDT
Only eight weeks of Premier League left so it’s time to get your predictions game Trump-tight. Here, I do my best to steer you in all the right directions… and fail miserably.
West Ham United v. Manchester United (Sat 1:00pm ET on NBCSN; Upton Park)
What a relief for David Moyes, the players and the fans that United pulled out that 3-0 victory over Olympiacos in midweek! Perfectly sets up the devastation and #MoyesOut tweets we’ll see when West Ham beat them on Saturday!
West Ham 1 Manchester United 0
Newcastle United v. Crystal Palace (Sat 11:00am ET on Live Extra; St James’ Park)
As Alan Pardew serves the second of his three match stadium ban can’t you just see the Newcastle manager on the couch, in his pajamas, throwing cookies at the television in disgust?
Newcastle 1 Crystal Palace 1
Tottenham Hotspur v. Southampton (Sun 9:00am ET on NBCSN; White Hart Lane)
It’s been a tough go of it lately for Tim Sherwood – getting hammered by Chelsea, chucking his blazer in anger during the loss to Arsenal, whining about Jorge Jesus’ hand gestures in the loss to Benfica… It’s hard time something good came his way.
But I don’t see it happening here. In fact, I see Spurs, beat up and depleted from Thursday night Europa League, getting done dirty in their own pad by those tricky Saints.
Tottenham 1 Southampton 2
SQUEAKY BUM TIME
Chelsea v. Arsenal (Sat 8:45am ET on NBCSN; Stamford Bridge)
Ohhhh you beautyyyyy!!! What a way to start the morning! A little coffee, maybe an apple fritter and one massive title-race matchup!
Two major points to consider in this one: 1) It’s Arsene Wenger‘s 1,000th competitive match as manager of Arsenal, and 2) Jose Mourinho has never lost against Wenger as an opposition manager.
So where does that leave us? Well, normally with a draw. But with the key injuries Arsenal is currently carrying (Ozil, Wilshere, Walcott, Ramsey), with a Chelsea victory.
Chelsea 1 Arsenal 0
Hull City v. West Bromwich Albion (Sat 11:00am ET on Live Extra; The KC Stadium)
For as much praise as Hull City has earned this season and as much flak as West Brom have been handed — it’s mind-boggling to think that the Baggies could leapfrog the Tigers in the table with a win on Saturday.
Not that it’ll happen.
Hull City 2 West Brom 2
Norwich City v. Sunderland (Sat 11:00am ET on Live Extra; Carrow Road)
Vito Mannone, fastest pizza-hands in all of England. Coincidentally, also a very good goal-keeper.
Norwich City 0 Sunderland 1
Aston Villa v. Stoke City (Sun 11:30am ET on NBCSN; Villa Park)
Villa is a tough side to figure out. Equally capable of beating giants as they are succumbing to minnows, Stoke City presents an interesting, even-keeled matchup for Paul Lambert‘s side.
Do I even have to write it?
Aston Villa 1 Stoke City 1
Manchester City v. Fulham (Sat 10:45am ET on NBCSN; Etihad Stadium)
Manchester City 7 Fulham 0
Cardiff City v. Liverpool (Sat 10:45am ET on Live Extra; Cardiff City Stadium)
Cardiff fans, I have good news and bad news.
The good news: The Bluebirds have won their last five home league games against Liverpool.
The bad news: The last of those victories came in August 1959.
Cardiff City 1 Liverpool 4
Everton v. Swansea City (Sat 11:00am ET on Live Extra; Goodison Park)
Everton doesn’t lose to Swansea City. Simple as that. It’s been 19 occasions without the Swans winning and there’s nothing to suggest this weekend will be any different.
It’s not cocky if you back it up.
Everton 3 Swansea City 1
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