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Who do you like? A neutral’s guide to the World Cup’s ‘Final Four’

Jul 8, 2014, 10:37 AM EDT

2014WorldCup

Four big names remain in the chase for the 2014 World Cup, but in several cases these are not your grandfather’s international powers. Either Germany, Argentina, Brazil or the Netherlands will win the world’s greatest tournament, and we’re here to discuss the pros and cons of each team lifting the appropriately-named FIFA World Cup Trophy.

[MORE - Preview: Expectations weight heavy on tournament favorites as Brazil faces Germany ]

(Warning: This is pretty tongue-in-cheek).

Option 1: The host nation

Brazil is the most-accomplished World Cup champion in the history of the tournament. They have won the thing five times, appeared in seven finals and finished fourth or better in an almost-absurd 10 of 20 tournaments. Only Germany has finished in the Top Four more times (12, eight times as West Germany)

Pros: They will have triumphed without their best player, Neymar. The people of Brazil deserve something for the trouble of paying for a tournament that many didn’t want. Rainforests wouldn’t have been wasted in defeat.

Cons: They have arguably been the villains of the tournament, playing foul-heavy and getting loads of love from the referees (Cough, Fred. Cough). A win may inspire other nations to forego the well-being of their general populace with the intent of getting home-FIFA advantage and winning a big soccer tournament.

Option 2: The machine

Germany is really really, really really, really good at soccer. With three titles, all as West Germany, the team has won the third-most championships in addition to appearing in the most title matches (tied with Brazil, 7).

Pros: With arguably the best collection of talent remaining, they’d be an attractive champion. They would dispel the myth of a European team being unable to win in South America. I’ve heard the American team has some relationship to the German team, so it’s kinda like they win, too. The States would’ve lost to the champion. I’d be right in my prediction.

Cons: Outside of Brazil, they were arguably the favorites to win the thing anyway, so there’s a ‘boredom’ factor. Plus, if you don’t like Germany, you definitely won’t be happy.

Option 3: The long-sufferers

Long-known for playing super-attractive soccer, the Netherlands are doing it the old-fashioned way this time arounsource:  d, grinding out wins against sides they’d normally crush. The Dutch are 0-3 in World Cup finals, and are regarded as the best team to never lift the trophy.

Pros: A passionate fan base gets rewarded with a title. They have a splendid collection of talent and really play well as a team. Johan Cruyff will be happy.

Cons: Arjen Robben. We’ll have to hear 4,000 references to Louis van Gaal’s penalty genius in every Manchester United match. Arjen Robben. There isn’t an easy ‘best team to never have won’ after the Dutch. Arjen Robben. Also, my friend Ruud is going to be really smug for a long time. Arjen Robben.

Option 4: Lionel Messi and friends

Of course, I kid. The Argentina team is much more than Lionel Messi, and the injury to Angel Di Maria will mean they would have overcome the loss of their second-most important player. The two-time champions are 2-2 in World Cup finals.

Pros: It would be emotionally-fitting following the passing of native son Alfredo Di Stefano on Monday. They play pretty attractive soccer. And Messi gets a title, erasing the annoying “Can he lead his country?” debate (though replacing it with the almost-as-annoying “Where does he rank among all-time greats?” debate).

Cons: A South American team winning would validate the constant “European teams can’t win” conversation. Martin Demichelis‘ hair. Messi haters won’t be happy.

  1. Professor Fate - Jul 8, 2014 at 11:23 AM

    My preferences-

    Germany: My favorite team after USA. “The States would’ve lost to the champion.” And Deutschland would have beaten Brasil to get there.

    Netherlands/Argentina: Not Brasil.

    Brasil: From the ghastly spectacle of shiny new stadiums built on the backs of the country’s poor to the teams’ obvious favor from refs despite their heavy-handed play, this is the one team of the four I’d prefer not even make the final. Next best result would be losing the final.

  2. patriotsdefense - Jul 8, 2014 at 11:57 AM

    I’m pulling for the Netherlands or Argentina. I like Germany and all, but I really don’t want Philip Lahm to be a champion. I can’t stand the guy after I read exerts from his book. It would validate his awfulness if he were to hoist the cup.

    Brasil losing it would set up great for a terrible 2016 Olympics.

  3. lorenzo463 - Jul 8, 2014 at 1:30 PM

    Because if there’s one thing we all agree that European fans need, it’s validation.

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